can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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