mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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