if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
