What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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