I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
