So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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