I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
