And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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