and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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