Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
