brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
