Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
