That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
