I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
