Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
