Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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