Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
