I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
