Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize