Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
