I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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