he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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