hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
