Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
