we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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