I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
third nipple confirmed
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
