From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
