Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
