dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
