Ambien. No doubt about it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
