on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
