1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
