Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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