That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
