It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
