Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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