woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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