Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
