i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
