He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
