Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
