hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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