I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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