she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
