Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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