he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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