update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
