i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So many bounce houses so little time
You can't just leave with hair like that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
