If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
