Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
