i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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