So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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