i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
