My hand turned me down
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Randomize