I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
tell me about the eggs
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
