apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
