Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
