So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize