my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
