I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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