who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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