If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
