Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
