I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
