2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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