So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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