You work out of a Hotel?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
