i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
