I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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