its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
