he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
