When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
